When they talked about Tilly this morning, I think they were helping me clean up Oprah's mess. They used numbers to identify her though and I'm not sure if it was obvious or loud enough for other people to get. I like how they name her Tilly because that is the name of Maggie's dead dog, so they are also helping me get the message to her that I'm not her bitch.
Anyway, they were even accurate with the timing of it happening 10 years ago or so. Someone pushed her car over the side where she went over a hill dropping 40 feet and was trapped there for 3 days. Someone finally found her and said she was ok.
I didn't like the ending though. The guy didn't look like Josh and I don't know who they would connect him to that rode my ass so extremely that it pushed me over the edge into insanity, but she said that she had forgiven him.
To make things clear: I don't forgive Josh. I still hate him. Sometimes, I talk about him because I feel I have to. I like to make myself understood and clear, so sometimes I have to use him to tell my story. That doesn't mean that I still love him or want him back. I think my life is fucked up now and in the hands of a lot of controlling people and judgemental people. I'm constantly in helpless and vulnerable positions. I hate my life. I try to make the best of it sometimes, but overall, I hate it.
When looking at commercials and other observations, I question if someone is still trying to chase me. I'm not hooked on anyone or have a strong desire for anyone. I still consider myself single.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
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